Welcome!

May 1, 2010

This summer—hopefully this spring!—my yard will transform from neglected urban plot to low-maintenance, drought-resistant, mature neighbourhood paradise!

Well, maybe “paradise” is pushing it...but, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and Lazy Gnome finds beauty in any gardening activities that do not require elevating heart rate or sweating. All Lazy Gnome wants to do all summer is sit outside and read, preferably with a coffee or a mojito...

History: a year ago Lazy Gnome purchased a 65-year old house in a mature neighbour of Edmonton, Alberta. While viewing the property, Lazy Gnome was seduced by thoughts that being so close to downtown, the large yard, with nary a tree or back fence had “lots of potential”. Yes, in the years between now and retirement, I could putter around and magically create a charming city retreat.

But my inner Lazy Gnome was screaming out: “Condos! I thought we wanted a condo!! Run—get thee to the condos! There isn’t even a garage to keep the snow shovel—AAK!! SNOW SHOVELLLING?!”

But, perhaps won over by nostalgia for by-gone days--largely imaginary--of lounging on a lawn chair, or evenings entertaining on the veranda of a different house, the choice was made, and the large lot was purchased...

I tried to convince Lazy Gnome that yard work could be meditative, pleasant and enriching. However, such a Zen—like love of yard work was only a simple a matter of attitude’s triumph over effort when one had not much to do anyway and reaching for the mojito rather than the rake wasn't a sign of moral depravity. Friends--garden loving friends even--were aghast that I pulled weeds after work on a Friday. So the quack grass choked out the snow-in-summer in the south facing flower bed? Everything has the right to live, and besides, who wants to spend all afternoon pulling it out. Peonies sprouting in the middle of the “lawn”? But you love peonies—they’re so cute out there!

A rare lovely Saturday afternoon wasted in trying to pull thistle, perennial dandelions and Manitoba maple suckers (from where!?) was the last straw: looking into the future, Lazy Gnome could only see this pathetic "meditative exercise" repeated weekly, and forever unless drastic measures were taken, and decided that a yard make-over was required. This will be necessary for the sake of the house, the neighbours, and the enjoyment of those years leading up to retirement...

Surveying the property more critically, Lazy Gnome admitted a few other things. The grade slopes toward the house in a four-foot band around the three visible sides of the house. The ancient deck’s exposed nails and loose boards are a safety hazard for residents and guests. No trees means no privacy: the chain link fence doesn’t block sightinghsof neighbours and their stuff (and theirs of you and yours), sounds, animals. The slope of the grade between the house and the alley funnels to a central low point, deep enough to create a spring melt-fed river between the back door and the garage pad.

Yes, the garage pad—a garage is necessary. However, due to the slope and drainage issues, the entire grade needs to be done first.

Reluctantly, Lazy Gnome acknowledged the fantasized puttering would never result in a garden paradise. I succumbed to Lazy Gnome's argument that this is too big of a problem to handle alone: I forced Lazy Gnome to "do it yourself" a landscaping project a few years ago...it was not good. Ergo, professionals would have to be engaged, and so the planning began.

The first step involved discovering where the underground utilities are found, and so a call to Alberta One Call was made. But, Alberta One Call is no longer “one call”. They no longer locate water lines, so it is necessary to have someone such as a plumber locate and mark the water lines.

Which, of course, lead to the Sewer Saga. But, that is a story for another time.

This blog will follow the events of the re-landscaping, partly because Lazy Gnome anticipates feeling somewhat guilty that there will be little yard work for her to do in 2010 and she would like to contribute something to the efforts of other hard working, earnest gardeners' efforts, even if it is only bland entertainment.

Today’s motto: In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd. Miguel de Cervantes