Apologizing for missing a couple of weekends, Lazy Gnome has been distracted by other things—there is more to life than obsessing about one’s landscaping—such as her elderly mother moving to the city where she knows no one, a friend recently diagnosed with cancer who is scheduled for surgery in 10 days, and so on.
Rant about the weather? Easily; however, that has been done more elegantly by others. But I am curious about one thing. There are, apparently, places on this planet (possibly even in Canada) where a person can have seasonal wardrobes. By this is meant that after a certain date is passed on the calendar, a person is safe to store away all their woollen sweaters and scarves and mitts, secure in the knowledge these items will not be required until, oh, another certain date on the calendar is passed. Perhaps this ritual is only an urban myth or the place exists only in fairy tales? Or, perhaps what we need in our homes is one of those conveyer-type clothes racks used at the drycleaners which could be synchronized with the Environment Canada website to automatically select the perfect combination of garments for us. Here, in Edmonton, in the season we ought to call “sprinter”, that could be a fetching matched set of Himalaya-worthy fleece, rubber galoshes and a sunhat to get us through the day.
Lazy Gnome appreciates the chilly weather, sort of. First, you have to work really, really hard to break a sweat when it is only 7.5C; therefore, there has been no need to carry a fancy hanky to dab one’s brow whence puttering outside recently. Also, when the weather is unbecoming as it is anytime there are particulates falling from the heavens—be they clear and soothing or white and sticky—there is ample justification not cut the lawn. Lovely.
Against her better judgement, LG did go to a Garden Centre on the Saturday of the May long weekend. She had her reasons. First, she rather thought that given the wet and cool weather that day, and the early hour, the crowds would not be too bad. That proved correct. Also, that particular Garden Centre had been recommended as a place to look for pet memorials. That proved correct, too. While other centres may have similar markers, she was quite happy at having driven many, many miles to purchase the stepping stone at that particular centre.
Oddly, she observed that there were scads of staff milling about, each of whom could not have been more friendly or helpful. More staff than customers in some areas it seemed. However, one of them slyly obtained a cart for LG who must have looked a sight trying to balance her overstuffed tray of items on her arm. Bad move, agreeing to a cart....LG found herself almost convincing herself that she should just buy another large, decorative pot so she could buy more annuals to fill it. Luckily, common sense prevailed. As it was, she spent more than she planned and will blame it all on the cart.
At the checkout, the friendly and helpful staff members said, “and be sure not to leave those flowers outside over night yet—with all this cool weather in the forecast for the next few days...” LG nearly rebuffed her. Surely, the worst of the weather is behind us—after all, it is the May long weekend and a late one at that! But what actually miffed LG was the insinuation that it was the May long weekend and the Garden Centre seemed to be confessing that it hadn’t bothered to harden off its annuals yet!
But, LG opted not to ask for clarification, and simply said,“thanks for mentioning that.”
Now, part of the reason LG did not challenge the comment is this. The previous weekend at a different home and garden store, she asked a gentleman who was watering the plants, “have these been hardened off?” He was speechless. Hmm. Is this usage of hers an example of Olde English, perhaps? A gardening store employee who hasn’t learned the lingo? Or has LG just brought with her the garden-speak of her native land to the south? The latter is quite possible given the debate she had with another gardener some years ago: are they “bedding plants” or “bedding out plants”?
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Sewer Saga Part 1
Lazy Gnome panicked: the grade slopes toward the foundation along the entire perimeter of the house. So, last fall, in preparation for some quick repair work, Lazy Gnome called Alberta One-Call to mark the underground utilities. Lesson #1: Alberta One-Call is no longer “one call”. They will locate and mark underground gas and electrical at no cost, but won’t even look for water lines. So, advice for them: time to re-brand!
A plumbing company eventually located their locator device and their staff member who knows how to use it. He located the waterline, which is done by scoping the sewer because the waterline is always beside the sewer. Well, the scoping is interesting as the camera feeds a picture of your sanitary line which you can see through the viewer. It’s a bit like a ride at the carnival because the camera doesn’t stay right side up, so your view is continually spinning around. After he located the water and sewer line, he marked it and wouldn’t you know it: it goes diagonally across the back yard! Couldn’t be any longer if someone planned it. Then, pointing at the video screen movie of my sewer, he almost giggled: “See how the camera keeps hitting those bumps—your clay tile sewer line is collapsing! Your sewer is collapsing!”
Good to know it is clay tile: in the early 1950’s the city was experimenting with a cardboard-like application for sewer lines....no doubt a major technological advance of the times. However, the collapsing diagnosis is not good news. So, plumber-dude, having frightened Lazy Gnome, offered to return the following day with his buddy, sewer-dude, to do another video and prepare an estimate. Reluctant but worried, Lazy Gnome agreed.
Well, there was evidence that he was at the house, but Lazy Gnome did not hear back from plumber-dude or his company (other than the invoice) or from his sewer buddy. Ever.
Given that plumber-dude had bemoaned the recession and the number of staff his company had to lay off (except the bad apples), and the fact that Lazy Gnome had never had any problem with the sewer, suspicions grew.
Having previously experienced plumbers claiming a sewer needed replacing at a different house (that particular company’s problem was really its complete inability to install a functional toilet), Lazy Gnome had other resources. The City of Edmonton will scope your sewer, for free, any day of the week. It is a great service; Lazy Gnome recommends it if for nothing other than their unbiased verification. (Plus, if the property had had previous problems reported to the City, they will tell you.)
So, two nice City employees came by one lovely Sunday afternoon in September. Their scope and subsequent analysis was this: no, the sewer is NOT collapsing; but yes, there are roots in the sewer which require cleaning out—SOON. But, again, the City will also do that for you, at a fixed cost, any day of the week.
However, of course, more plumbing work was required before the roots could be cleaned out...more in Sewer Saga Part 2
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.~~Confucius
A plumbing company eventually located their locator device and their staff member who knows how to use it. He located the waterline, which is done by scoping the sewer because the waterline is always beside the sewer. Well, the scoping is interesting as the camera feeds a picture of your sanitary line which you can see through the viewer. It’s a bit like a ride at the carnival because the camera doesn’t stay right side up, so your view is continually spinning around. After he located the water and sewer line, he marked it and wouldn’t you know it: it goes diagonally across the back yard! Couldn’t be any longer if someone planned it. Then, pointing at the video screen movie of my sewer, he almost giggled: “See how the camera keeps hitting those bumps—your clay tile sewer line is collapsing! Your sewer is collapsing!”
Good to know it is clay tile: in the early 1950’s the city was experimenting with a cardboard-like application for sewer lines....no doubt a major technological advance of the times. However, the collapsing diagnosis is not good news. So, plumber-dude, having frightened Lazy Gnome, offered to return the following day with his buddy, sewer-dude, to do another video and prepare an estimate. Reluctant but worried, Lazy Gnome agreed.
Well, there was evidence that he was at the house, but Lazy Gnome did not hear back from plumber-dude or his company (other than the invoice) or from his sewer buddy. Ever.
Given that plumber-dude had bemoaned the recession and the number of staff his company had to lay off (except the bad apples), and the fact that Lazy Gnome had never had any problem with the sewer, suspicions grew.
Having previously experienced plumbers claiming a sewer needed replacing at a different house (that particular company’s problem was really its complete inability to install a functional toilet), Lazy Gnome had other resources. The City of Edmonton will scope your sewer, for free, any day of the week. It is a great service; Lazy Gnome recommends it if for nothing other than their unbiased verification. (Plus, if the property had had previous problems reported to the City, they will tell you.)
So, two nice City employees came by one lovely Sunday afternoon in September. Their scope and subsequent analysis was this: no, the sewer is NOT collapsing; but yes, there are roots in the sewer which require cleaning out—SOON. But, again, the City will also do that for you, at a fixed cost, any day of the week.
However, of course, more plumbing work was required before the roots could be cleaned out...more in Sewer Saga Part 2
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.~~Confucius
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Tulips, May 4, 2010
Not much to say--those who lived through the unusual spring storm on May 4 remember it and will hopefully forget it soon. It's not unusual to have a spring storm; it's unusual for to be as cold as it was, and for the snow to last longer than a day...but Lazy Gnome is eternally optimistic that it was the last for this season, hoping against hope that the Vitoria Day Long weekend--which is REALLY late this year--won't bring more heavy white stuff to dampen our moods....Yes, that is the same tulip as the photo in the last post, and you can just make out the one ear of the cast iron bunny--who probably needs a name, right?--behind.
The post is going up on May 9--and things are okay again in the garden weather-wise. The moisture has helped green things up...and the grass needs cutting!! Why is it that in the world of gardening, good news always brings more work!?
Oh--Happy Mother's Day to you, your mother and everyone in your life who is like a mother to you...and of course, to Mother Nature! It's a beautiful day to step out, breathe deeply and thank Her for providing the beauty and joy of the flora and fauna around us, and to pledge to harm that as little as possible in our time on the planet...
First tulips! May 2, 2010
It's spring in Edmonton, and Lazy Gnome loves the refreshing first flowers from bulbs planted in the fall...Lazy Gnome of course loves these because there is virtually no work this early in the year: you just dig a wee hole, through them in and Mother Nature kindly nurtures them over the winter--the hardes part is making sure they are in right-side up. The miracle is the urge within the bulbs that drives these shoots to surge upward, reminding us there is life over the long, dark winters, even if we hide inside rubbing our hands together for warmth. It is amazing these things can survive! No doubt there is a history of these little bundles of happiness...It seems to Lazy Gnome that we had an early and mild spring this year, with little to no precipitation of any kind after Christmas...the first red tips of these tulips were noticed April 1 and given the warm temperatures in April (26C+ one day!!) they may have bloomed earlier if there had been any rain. Another amazing fact about these particular tulips here by the cast iron bunny, is that they were rudely and abruptly re-located on Sewer Day....but that story is still to come. And, yes, that is a weed....argh!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Welcome!
May 1, 2010
This summer—hopefully this spring!—my yard will transform from neglected urban plot to low-maintenance, drought-resistant, mature neighbourhood paradise!
Well, maybe “paradise” is pushing it...but, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and Lazy Gnome finds beauty in any gardening activities that do not require elevating heart rate or sweating. All Lazy Gnome wants to do all summer is sit outside and read, preferably with a coffee or a mojito...
History: a year ago Lazy Gnome purchased a 65-year old house in a mature neighbour of Edmonton, Alberta. While viewing the property, Lazy Gnome was seduced by thoughts that being so close to downtown, the large yard, with nary a tree or back fence had “lots of potential”. Yes, in the years between now and retirement, I could putter around and magically create a charming city retreat.
But my inner Lazy Gnome was screaming out: “Condos! I thought we wanted a condo!! Run—get thee to the condos! There isn’t even a garage to keep the snow shovel—AAK!! SNOW SHOVELLLING?!”
But, perhaps won over by nostalgia for by-gone days--largely imaginary--of lounging on a lawn chair, or evenings entertaining on the veranda of a different house, the choice was made, and the large lot was purchased...
I tried to convince Lazy Gnome that yard work could be meditative, pleasant and enriching. However, such a Zen—like love of yard work was only a simple a matter of attitude’s triumph over effort when one had not much to do anyway and reaching for the mojito rather than the rake wasn't a sign of moral depravity. Friends--garden loving friends even--were aghast that I pulled weeds after work on a Friday. So the quack grass choked out the snow-in-summer in the south facing flower bed? Everything has the right to live, and besides, who wants to spend all afternoon pulling it out. Peonies sprouting in the middle of the “lawn”? But you love peonies—they’re so cute out there!
A rare lovely Saturday afternoon wasted in trying to pull thistle, perennial dandelions and Manitoba maple suckers (from where!?) was the last straw: looking into the future, Lazy Gnome could only see this pathetic "meditative exercise" repeated weekly, and forever unless drastic measures were taken, and decided that a yard make-over was required. This will be necessary for the sake of the house, the neighbours, and the enjoyment of those years leading up to retirement...
Surveying the property more critically, Lazy Gnome admitted a few other things. The grade slopes toward the house in a four-foot band around the three visible sides of the house. The ancient deck’s exposed nails and loose boards are a safety hazard for residents and guests. No trees means no privacy: the chain link fence doesn’t block sightinghsof neighbours and their stuff (and theirs of you and yours), sounds, animals. The slope of the grade between the house and the alley funnels to a central low point, deep enough to create a spring melt-fed river between the back door and the garage pad.
Yes, the garage pad—a garage is necessary. However, due to the slope and drainage issues, the entire grade needs to be done first.
Reluctantly, Lazy Gnome acknowledged the fantasized puttering would never result in a garden paradise. I succumbed to Lazy Gnome's argument that this is too big of a problem to handle alone: I forced Lazy Gnome to "do it yourself" a landscaping project a few years ago...it was not good. Ergo, professionals would have to be engaged, and so the planning began.
The first step involved discovering where the underground utilities are found, and so a call to Alberta One Call was made. But, Alberta One Call is no longer “one call”. They no longer locate water lines, so it is necessary to have someone such as a plumber locate and mark the water lines.
Which, of course, lead to the Sewer Saga. But, that is a story for another time.
This blog will follow the events of the re-landscaping, partly because Lazy Gnome anticipates feeling somewhat guilty that there will be little yard work for her to do in 2010 and she would like to contribute something to the efforts of other hard working, earnest gardeners' efforts, even if it is only bland entertainment.
Today’s motto: In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd. Miguel de Cervantes
This summer—hopefully this spring!—my yard will transform from neglected urban plot to low-maintenance, drought-resistant, mature neighbourhood paradise!
Well, maybe “paradise” is pushing it...but, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and Lazy Gnome finds beauty in any gardening activities that do not require elevating heart rate or sweating. All Lazy Gnome wants to do all summer is sit outside and read, preferably with a coffee or a mojito...
History: a year ago Lazy Gnome purchased a 65-year old house in a mature neighbour of Edmonton, Alberta. While viewing the property, Lazy Gnome was seduced by thoughts that being so close to downtown, the large yard, with nary a tree or back fence had “lots of potential”. Yes, in the years between now and retirement, I could putter around and magically create a charming city retreat.
But my inner Lazy Gnome was screaming out: “Condos! I thought we wanted a condo!! Run—get thee to the condos! There isn’t even a garage to keep the snow shovel—AAK!! SNOW SHOVELLLING?!”
But, perhaps won over by nostalgia for by-gone days--largely imaginary--of lounging on a lawn chair, or evenings entertaining on the veranda of a different house, the choice was made, and the large lot was purchased...
I tried to convince Lazy Gnome that yard work could be meditative, pleasant and enriching. However, such a Zen—like love of yard work was only a simple a matter of attitude’s triumph over effort when one had not much to do anyway and reaching for the mojito rather than the rake wasn't a sign of moral depravity. Friends--garden loving friends even--were aghast that I pulled weeds after work on a Friday. So the quack grass choked out the snow-in-summer in the south facing flower bed? Everything has the right to live, and besides, who wants to spend all afternoon pulling it out. Peonies sprouting in the middle of the “lawn”? But you love peonies—they’re so cute out there!
A rare lovely Saturday afternoon wasted in trying to pull thistle, perennial dandelions and Manitoba maple suckers (from where!?) was the last straw: looking into the future, Lazy Gnome could only see this pathetic "meditative exercise" repeated weekly, and forever unless drastic measures were taken, and decided that a yard make-over was required. This will be necessary for the sake of the house, the neighbours, and the enjoyment of those years leading up to retirement...
Surveying the property more critically, Lazy Gnome admitted a few other things. The grade slopes toward the house in a four-foot band around the three visible sides of the house. The ancient deck’s exposed nails and loose boards are a safety hazard for residents and guests. No trees means no privacy: the chain link fence doesn’t block sightinghsof neighbours and their stuff (and theirs of you and yours), sounds, animals. The slope of the grade between the house and the alley funnels to a central low point, deep enough to create a spring melt-fed river between the back door and the garage pad.
Yes, the garage pad—a garage is necessary. However, due to the slope and drainage issues, the entire grade needs to be done first.
Reluctantly, Lazy Gnome acknowledged the fantasized puttering would never result in a garden paradise. I succumbed to Lazy Gnome's argument that this is too big of a problem to handle alone: I forced Lazy Gnome to "do it yourself" a landscaping project a few years ago...it was not good. Ergo, professionals would have to be engaged, and so the planning began.
The first step involved discovering where the underground utilities are found, and so a call to Alberta One Call was made. But, Alberta One Call is no longer “one call”. They no longer locate water lines, so it is necessary to have someone such as a plumber locate and mark the water lines.
Which, of course, lead to the Sewer Saga. But, that is a story for another time.
This blog will follow the events of the re-landscaping, partly because Lazy Gnome anticipates feeling somewhat guilty that there will be little yard work for her to do in 2010 and she would like to contribute something to the efforts of other hard working, earnest gardeners' efforts, even if it is only bland entertainment.
Today’s motto: In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd. Miguel de Cervantes
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